Punchy AdviceArchives

May 11 - 20, 1995


Richard Huff (rhuff@pacificrim.net) asks Ruth:
I could sure do with a nice, tall mocha from StarBucks right now. Do you think all this caffeine will catch up to me some day? If so, is there any way to outrun it?
Ruth Ruth replies:
Richard honey, if I worried about every cup of coffee I drank, I'd be a gibbering idiot. Look at me. I drink three cups a day, and it hasn't done me any harm, has it? Well, has it?

Listen, as long as it keeps you working late into the night and making lots of money at your computer job, then perhaps you might like to come over next Saturday for dinner. My niece Heidi will be over. She's a very nice girl. You'd like her. She drinks coffee.


"Sister of Zog" asks Ooni:
Why is the sky falling?
Ooni Ooni answers:
Where I am, the sky is not falling. If it is falling where you live, you better pack your bags. Quick.

Someone at the Scleroderma Foundation asks (no expert specified):
Do you believe that 95% of the world is incapable, and the other 5% carries them?
Alphonzo Alphonzo answers:
Amen, brother!
Bradley Bradley answers:
95% of those who write to us are capable of reading instructions. You are in the 5% of those who didn't specify which expert to ask. You may draw your own conclusions, both about the ratio and about the group to which you belong.
Punjabi Punjabi adds:
The foolish ant believes the hole would not be dug without him.

Johnny asks Ooni:
what's the story on all this non-smoking stuff? can't a person live a little before it's all over?
Ooni Ooni answers:
It's your life. You can live as little as you want.

"Gizzmo" asks Kelsey:
My nose is shaped just like '@'. Is it dangerous to sneeze?
Kelsey Kelsey answers:
That's really gross! Sneezing is the least of your problems. I've heard of someone's nose adding character, but never being a character. My advice is to avoid the Internet. You may be mistaken for an e-mail address. Plus I would see a good plastic surgeon. Or a fontographer.

AuntieB asks Alphonzo:
Does it really take up more memory in amipro to use save as rather than create a style sheet?
Alphonzo Alphonzo answers:
I am allergic to computers. I break out in little red spots all over my back whenever I'm near a keyboard. Just reading about that guy with the nose shaped like '@' gave me a rash! So don't ask me about computers!

(Name withheld) asks (No expert specified):
How do I meet guys?
Kelsey Kelsey answers:
You could start by being a little more assertive.

Dominique asks Marty
Will I win the lottery???
Marty Marty answers:
Dear Dominique, I don't care about your money. I'm surprised you still remember me. But if Ruth answers, hang up.

Mudhen asks Punjabi
What's for dinner?
Punjabi Punjabi answers:
Lamb tikka and curried vegetables for me. How bout you?

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