Punchy AdviceArchives

May 26, 1995


Paul H. Smith asks Drizzle:
As we all know, the Moon is made of green cheese. This being the case, how can things that happen once in a Blue Moon ever occur?
Drizzle Drizzle answers:
Dear Paul,

My advice is to get a pleasant hobby, preferably something social such as basketball or contra dancing. You should get out more with people.

Bradley Bradley adds:
My understanding is that a Blue Moon is the rare occurrence of a full moon for second time in a single month. Not the actual color of the moon. But why is it called "blue"?
Ooni Ooni says:
I didn't know the moon was made of green cheese!
Kaulii Kauli shouts:
The moon is not green!
Alphonzo Alphonzo shouts louder:
Would you guys knock it off?

"Tired" asks Alphonzo:
What should I do about my boss? He knows so little about today's technology, that he wastes more time that any of us have available to waste.
Alphonzo Alphonzo answers:
Now just hold your horses, you greenhorn over-achiever! What's technology got to do with being the boss? I'm a great boss and I don't know how to use the electric pencil sharpener! That's what I've got guys like you for!

Now get back to work!


Sadie asks Punjabi:
How can a person who spends their whole life being hateful, vindictive and angry get away with acting this way? Doesn't it eventually catch up with them??
Punjabi Punjabi answers:
People such as this, my friend, do not truly enjoy themselves or their own world, no matter how satisfied they may appear.

danny asks Punjabi:
why do some people have innies and some people have outies for belly buttons?
Punjabi Punjabi answers:
The more to contemplate.

"Woolly F. Lint" asks Alphonzo:
Why do socks get lost in the washing machine?
Alphonzo Alphonzo answers:
That explains it! I always thought they got lost in the dryer!

Doug asks Ruth:
Why is there air?
Ruth Ruth answers:
Personally, I use it in lemon meringue pies. But at my age, climbing the steps every day to this "dreamhouse" that Marty and I live in, I'm not so interested in why there is air as why there isn't there more of it.

"Tom X. Chao" asks Drizzle the Rain Elf:
People give me advice all the time, but I don't want to take it. What should I do?
Drizzle Drizzle answers:
Ho, ho, that is very amusing.

Bob Baker asks Punjabi:
My best friend is leaving town because of a better job. How can I get him to stay?
Punjabi Punjabi answers:
I understand that you will miss your friend, but one must question whether one's desires are in one's friend's best interests or one's own.

Clem asks Alphonzo:
Will Julie meet a good man in the next 12 months? She really deserves one. She's such a sweetie.
Alphonzo Alphonzo answers:
Give her my phone number. But wait a minute, why don't you like her?

Michael asks Bradley:
First of all, when I look at your face I burst out laughing. My question is: Will Beagley win the summer ultimate frisbee league this summer?
Bradley Bradley answers:
Dear Michael, this is an advice column, not a fortune-telling service. My advice is to take your frisbee and stick it up your nose.

Hmphhh!


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