Punchy AdviceArchives

May 28, 1995


Martin asks Marty:
Don't you intensely dislike being called "Marty" instead of Martin? I know I do, and I'm pretty tolerant of just about anything else. Except licorice. Oh, and a former girlfriend of mine who was a slick con artist. And Botany, which I flunked in college because I couldn't identify bare twigs in winter. I mean, a twig is a twig! So anyway I guess there are a lot of things I can't stand but someone calling me "Marty" tops the list. It makes me go non-linear. How about you?
Marty Marty answers:
I'm a plumber. Someone calls me Martin, I pop him in the jaw!

Henry Cooper asks Punjabi:
Is there money in sucking string up your nose and spitting it out your mouth?
Punjabi Punjabi answers:
Here in America, the possibilities are endless.
Ooni Ooni jumps in:
Let me try!
Kelsey Kelsey cringes:
That's so gross!

"Slothmeister" asks Kelsey:
Is it true that big feet indicate other large appendages? And why should that matter?
Kelsey Kelsey answers:
Really? I never noticed. I'll have to... No, it doesn't matter.

"Google" asks Drizzle:
What is true love?
Drizzle Drizzle answers:
True love is when it feels so good and makes no sense at all.

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