Punchy AdviceArchives

June 9, 1995


Louis asks Ruth:
Why is it that every single time I go to the store I continuously end up in the longest line?
Ruth Ruth answers:
That happens to me, too. I figure it's because God wants me to read the National Enquirer.
Bradley Bradley adds:
You mean the line where the person has 200 double value coupons and then runs out of checks and then she doesn't have enough cash and has to put everything back, and then they discover that she's dating the cashier's ex-husband? That's the line I get in, but it only works when I'm in a hurry. There is a science to picking the right line, I'm sure of it. Sometimes, I try to use strategy. I think, "Hmmm, this line seems like it would be the shortest, and since I'm always wrong, I'll get in the other line." The people in the first line are back on the freeway while I'm still reading about the two-headed baby that both looks like Elvis.

"Sherman" asks Punjabi:
When it rains, am I better off with a hat? Or no hat?
Punjabi Punjabi answers:
A hat, but if you're bald it doesn't matter.

"Flair" asks Bradley:
Bradley, My friend John comes to work and is always wiping his nose on his sleeve. How can I tactfully ask him to stop?
Bradley Bradley answers:
To be the most tactful, I wouldn't say anything. Buy him a box of tissues for his desk. Then the next time he does it, run for a bucket and throw up.

Dovid asks Ruth:
Will I be married? Will I be rich?
Ruth Ruth answers:
What am I? The oracle of Philadelphia?

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