Punchy AdviceArchives

June 13, 1995


Elizabeth asks Alphonzo:
Is it OK to wear white tails at a black tie party?
Alphonzo Alphonzo answers:
I love it when women wear tails. I'll never forget Trudy Debutte wearing that slinky tiger outfit to the Halloween dance back in '68. I guess as long as you wear a black tie, you can wear whatever else you want.

Nihongo Bongo asks Punjabi:
What is the relationship of Zeno's Paradox and Playboy magazine?
Punjabi Punjabi answers:
Ah, a fellow mathematician! For those readers unfamiliar with this paradox, Zeno posits that Motion is Impossible, because no matter how many times you go half the distance between yourself and your destination, you get closer and closer, but you never actually reach your destination.

Nihongo, I was reluctant to reply to what appears to be a riddle to which you already have a humourous answer. But upon much meditation, I offer Punjabi's paradox:

Playboy proves that Satisfaction is Impossible. You keep coming and coming, but you're never there.

What is your answer?


Brickshaft asks Kelsey:
How come when my girlfriend notices that I have something in my eye, she feels that it is her job to stick her finger there without telling me first (ouch!).
Kelsey Kelsey answers:
Maybe she thinks you're a man and you can handle it.
Alphonzo Alphonzo adds:
That's nothin'. My ex-wife used to clean out my toenails while I was sleeping.
Ruth Ruth adds:
You're lucky. Marty wouldn't lift a finger if I had the dining room table in my eye!

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