Punchy AdviceArchives

July 13, 1995


Bradley Bradley reports:
I appreciate everybody's interest, but I don't know what to do about finding a dog. According to that article on the Internet that Nihongo Dango referred me to, "There are over 400 breeds of dog in the world, and no one breed is right for everyone." 400 breeds? If I looked at one breed a day, that would take me one year, one month and five days! And my apartment is so small, and what would I do if I got fleas?

"No Luck Here" asks Ruth:
Do you think there is life after death? If so, what about romance? And if you think that's a possibility, what are my chances of scoring on a double date with Cleopatra and Mary Queen of Scots?
Ruth Ruth answers:
Life after death, maybe. Romance after death? The question is, romance after marriage. Not a sure thing.

As for Cleopatra and what's-her-name, they're a lot older than I am. I doubt they would feel up to it.


"Uncle Dregg" asks Ooni:
Which drink is more thirst-quenching: a) Monkey Spit b) Camel Mucus c) Whale Bile?
Ooni Ooni answers:
I told you, I'm not making any product endorsements until the contract is signed!

"Little Dragon" asks Stone Head:
If I thought two people who are together should be apart, should I tell them? (They are really close to me.)
Stone Head Stone Head answers:
I was once in love with a forest dryad, and everybody tried to break us up. She'll leave you at the next full moon, they said. He's just a big rock, they said. But would we listen? No. We were young and in love. They were right, of course, but I turned them all into lima beans anyway.

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