Kelsey, I am a thirty year old woman who has a security blanket. Some people smoke, others drink. I have a blanket to comfort me. I even named it. I think that I am pretty normal otherwise. Do you think this is weird?
Kelsey answers:
Depends. Do you bring it to work?
Marty adds:
What did you name it?
I'm glad that you feel more confident because of your experience with Sarah. I once fell in love with my perception of someone, and realized that those things were really a part of me. But is there a danger here? We often put a "mask" on other people, trying to view them not as they are, but as we prefer them to be. This can set up a problem, especially in a committed, long-term relationship. I hope my partner loves me, not the mask! This ties into my question. I loved someone once, and I still think about that person occasionally, even though I'm happily married now. I realize that I loved their "mask," but sometimes I still sigh and wonder. I'll throw this question open to anyone. Do you think my over-romanticizing the past could hurt my current relationship?
Bradley answers:
Yes. I have this theory about fantasizing, but it's complicated and it will take a while to explain it.
Ooni interrupts:
Then don't!
Kauli adds:
Yeah, what's with all this boring psycho-romantic babble stuff lately? Hey Ooni, my friends are getting married. What's the best way to spoil their wedding?
Ooni responds:
Oh that's good! Um... throw cooked macaroni?
Kelsey jumps in:
Cool it, you guys, or I'll drop-kick you. Let Bradley finish.
Bradley concludes:
My theory is -- if you create strong images in your mind, then your emotions and everything else south of your brain do not know the difference between someone who's there and someone who isn't. So you can really mix yourself up by fantasizing. And the woman with the blanket is an example: she's let the blanket give her comfort so now it really does, on an emotional and biological level. That's my theory.
Ooni adds:
Toss a dead fish on the bride's train as she walks up the aisle... No! No! Wheel in a casket and insist that you have a funeral booked for this timeslot!
Hey, I have some more ideas about finding a dog! Maybe "How Do I Pick the Right Breed for Me?" might help you. Good luck!
Bradley answers:
Thanks, but who are you? Why are you hounding me?
Why is the sky blue?
Bradley answers:
Wow! It's been an entire week since we've gotten this question! But this time we thought we'd celebrate, by presenting a new feature: Punchy Advice's tribute to Folk Rhetorical Questions (FRQs).There really aren't that many FRQ's, and we're pretty sure that just about every one has been asked by clever readers out there.
Here's our list, and the answers we've given:
Punchy Advice's Little List of Often-Asked Folk Rhetorical Questions
We also had this question, but fortunately I wasn't around to answer it:
- Why is there air?
- What is the meaning of life? and again
- What is the nature of existence?
- If a tree falls in the forest and no one is there, does it make a sound?
- Why is the sky blue?
- Which came first, the chicken or the egg?
Ruth asks:
Were we short on questions today or something?
You seem to know your weather, so I have a meteorology question. Do you have any idea how they came up with wind chill factors? Did they throw people outside in the dead of winter and ask them how cold they felt, or what?
Bob answers:
Well, the weather does fascinate me, but I don't know that much about meteors.
Alphonzo adds:
You're close, Gnat, and it just so happens I was one of those people! Me and two other guys, Tony and Rube. They would put us in this big freezer and leave us there until we started to turn blue. And they had these giant fans that blew 50 mph winds at us! We got 5 bucks an hour plus 10 bucks extra for each toe we lost. In those days, that was a lot of money!
Oh, Bradley, I didn't mean to hound you! It's just that, well, I've been a devoted fan of your column since May, and, well, if there's two things I love more than anything in the world it's computers and dogs. From the first time I saw your picture, well... but then I discovered you had a girlfriend named Sarah, and I thought, oh well, and I thought that was so brave of you to take a stand on that tree falling in the forest question! That's just what I always thought about it! But then the day in Calgary you considered getting a dog, and you gave up on Sarah, my gaze happened upon Sirius, the dog-star, which inspired me to write to see how serious you really were. Because I have eighteen dogs including seven new puppies! So you see I'm just all one big emotional mess and I'm afraid I'm making such a fool of myself, but here I am!
Bradley answers:
Gosh, that's very sweet of you to say. But are you sure it's not just puppy love?
Do you have a crush on Bradley?
Kelsey answers:
What? Me? Ohhh... Bradley and I are good friends. Hey! This is an advice column! What are you asking questions like that for, anyway! Bradley, say something!
Bradley says:
Why did she ask if you had a crush on me?
Bradley reports:
I appreciate everybody's interest, but I don't know what to do about finding a dog. According to that article on the Internet that Nihongo Dango referred me to, "There are over 400 breeds of dog in the world, and no one breed is right for everyone." 400 breeds? If I looked at one breed a day, that would take me one year, one month and five days! And my apartment is so small, and what would I do if I got fleas?
Do you think there is life after death? If so, what about romance? And if you think that's a possibility, what are my chances of scoring on a double date with Cleopatra and Mary Queen of Scots?
Ruth answers:
Life after death, maybe. Romance after death? The question is, romance after marriage. Not a sure thing.As for Cleopatra and what's-her-name, they're a lot older than I am. I doubt they would feel up to it.
Which drink is more thirst-quenching: a) Monkey Spit b) Camel Mucus c) Whale Bile?
Ooni answers:
I told you, I'm not making any product endorsements until the contract is signed!
If I thought two people who are together should be apart, should I tell them? (They are really close to me.)
Stone Head answers:
I was once in love with a forest dryad, and everybody tried to break us up. She'll leave you at the next full moon, they said. He's just a big rock, they said. But would we listen? No. We were young and in love. They were right, of course, but I turned them all into lima beans anyway.
I am rapidly losing my hair. I believe this is due to stress, however I spend most of my day lounging in the bathtub. Do you know of any worthwhile non-stress activities that might help me to grow all my hair back? If not, some words of encouragement would be appreciated.
Bob answers:
It's a stack of baloney that hair loss is caused by stress. Being a teenager was the most stressful time of my life, and you don't see teenagers going bald at the prom. And I've seen Alphonzo running around with his neck veins bulging and his eyes popping out of his head, and he has as much hair the next day as he did the day before. Especially on the back of his neck! It's really amazing!Actually baldness is caused by bathtubs. I find all my hair in the bathtub after I take a shower. If it was stress, I would find it on the couch after I watch the Twilight Zone marathons. Boy, they don't make those Twilight Zones like they used to, do they? Sounds like this is your problem, you spend too much time in the bath!
But anyway, you asked for some words of encouragement. Ummm. Things will get better. You have your whole life in front of you. Uh... Don't worry, if they laugh at you they aren't worth it. Mmm. Hats can be stylish. How's that?
Marty adds:
I've been hearing about reseeding hairlines. I'm excited. I guess it's like reseeding a lawn. But I don't want to smell like fertilizer.
Ruth comments
That's receding, Marty. As in retreating, as in going going gone.
Alphonzo asks the readers:
If a person is so memorable, why do they have to name a memorial highway after him?
My friend Richard and I are two attractive, intelligent, pleasant and witty guys, yet we never meet the women that we find attractive. We go out every place we can think of. But I think we both reinforce one another's lack of initiative. Any advice for a couple of shy guys?
Kelsey answers:
Guys can be dopey enough as it is, but when you get two of them together, it's like kindergarten pals. When they point at you and nod their grinning heads at each other, you know you're in trouble. Then they make witty innuendoes which they find highly amusing. No thanks. In my book, you can only talk sense to a guy when he's not around other guys.
Alphonzo rejoins:
Hoo boy. She's down on men again. Her "Ms." musta' just come in the mail.As if when you get a gaggle of women together they don't start acting goofy. Like you can be having a perfectly normal conversation with your wife, and then her friend comes over and all of a sudden they're making fun of they way you make sandwiches. It's unbelievable.