Past Punchy Advice

August 6 - August 12, 1995

August 7, 1995

All the guys I really love are older, like about five years. They all turn out to be playing the younger girls they date, but I can't help falling in love with older guys. The past 16 guys I've dated have played me, used me or cheated on me. What should I do?

It's not so much a problem that you like older men, but that you like men who do not have sweet hearts. But I am not an expert on human romance, so I will defer to another expert.

You wanna go out? (You don't have to worry about me. I'm only three!)

Another human, please!

I am so sorry to say, it is in the nature of human attraction that we are drawn to people not because they are wonderful peoples, or because they are good for us, but because they seem to feel some empty space inside us. It is like chocolate, which we often do not eat because we are hungry or because we think it will nourish us, but because it comforts us.

Sixteen cheaters in a row strongly suggests a pattern: you are attracted to a certain type of man for the wrong reasons. I am not a therapist, but I think you should examine what empty space in you keeps craving satisfaction in this type of man.

Remember, please, that despite all appearances, it is not the being with another person that will heal our empty spaces, but in being with ourselves.

Is there a cure for boredom? I am bored most of the time.

You're asking me? I've sat for the last 10,000 years on a cliff overlooking the jungle. Being a big stone head, it's not so easy for me to travel. So stop complaining or I'll turn you into a rabbit pellet. See if you find that more exciting.

It befuddles my mind that so many people say they watch television because they are bored. I am sure it would be the other way around.

August 8, 1995

Should I be friends with someone who has stabbed me in the back, yet is now being so nice to me?

Oo! Is there a hole in your back where they stabbed you? Can you see through the hole to your insides?

If the person apologized and expressed true sorrow, then it is a great thing for you to forgive them. But if they're acting like nothing happened, then you need to have a heart-to-heart. So says me. And Ooni, grow up.

I need to move out of the house I am living in because my housemate and her husband (my old and dear friends) have two uncontrolled monster toddlers who are driving me crazy. How can I let the parents know I want to move out without hurting their feelings or causing any bad blood, especially as they depend on my rent money to help pay the mortgage?

I know not much about domestic matters, but the worst misunderstandings and hurtful reactions happen when somebody is expecting things to go badly. I see no reason why the couple would be hurt because you want to live on your own. But if you feel guilty, then you will tend to project a defensive posturing, which will make them feel that you are rejecting them on a personal basis, and their feelings will be hurt, and all kinds of not-so-very-pleasant verbal hand grenades will be passed back and forth between you.

Sometimes when I lay down to go to bed at night I get an odd pain in my lower back. What should I do?

When that happens to me, I have to make sure I'm not lying on a curler.

August 10, 1995

I am having a problem losing weight. Can you give me some suggestions?

People seem to be so diet-conscious. They think they will lose weight if they just eat less. But in my humble elfin opinion, a healthy body regulates its weight naturally. And the most important way to keep a body healthy is through exercise.

Now, a lot of people think of exercise as sweaty jumping jacks and boring, painful drills. But exercise just means "using," like "exercising your rights." Use your body. Go for walks. Or ride a bicycle instead of driving a car. We elves are exceedingly healthy. Have you every seen one of us driving a car?

I've never gone out with anyone before. How will I know when the right guy comes along?

Be friends first. After you've become really good friends with someone, and if you feel you can both be totally open and honest with each other, then see how you feel about getting closer.

I have a really annoying brother! I try to be nice to him but he has this major bad attitude. I really hate it when he swears. We fight like little kids. It's sooo stupid. Got any advice?

When my little brother used to bug me, I'd get him in trouble with my big sister, and she'd beat him up.

You say you are frustrated because you get into fights with your brother. But yet you continue to do so. See if you can take him less seriously. Pay attention to what he does to pull you in. For example, maybe he knows how to insult you in a certain way that always hurts your feelings, and you feel a need to retaliate. If that's his trick, then prepare yourself in advance, so that when he tries it again, you will recognize it as his attempt to control you. You will be able to laugh this time and stay out of a fight. I don't know, you can try that.