I recently got a "Return to Sender" letter from an ex-girlfriend. I was just trying to smooth things out. How should I react?
Bob answers:
Well, you could stamp the envelope "Return to Returner." That'll teach her.
Ruth adds:
Or you could maybe take the hint.
On a recent trip to Greenwich Village, I was walking with my brother when he asked me, "Hey, did you see her?!" "Who?" I asked. "Dr. Ruth! She just walked right past us!" That's the second time something like that has happened. This past summer, I completely missed seeing a man carrying a full-size stuffed lion over his shoulder, whereas my brother saw it. (I know he's not pulling my leg.) How can I be more observant?
Kelsey answers:
I have felt the same way. In college, my roomate Clarissa and I would walk to class together. One morning she found a $20 bill, a love letter, a make-up kit and a map of Singapore and I didn't notice any of them. I told her she was just lower to the ground, but I knew she was more observant.I've noticed this: when I'm talking and telling a story, in my mind I'm visualizing the events I'm talking about more than I'm seeing where I really am. I don't know how to cure it, but I guess it would help to be less intense about my memories and more intense about where I am at the moment.
Punjabi adds:
My friends, being more observant to the here and now is a major key towards relaxing the mind. This is a fundamental principle of meditation. If you wish to be "less intense," then simply focus, in a relaxed manner, on the sights and sounds around you. I am forming a new class later this month if you are interested.
Kauli goes:
Look! Did you see that? A man just went by carrying Dr. Ruth over his shoulder!
Bob says:
Really? Where?
What should I do when it's Saturday morning, I haven't had any coffee, there isn't any coffee in the house, and I can't get up the energy to leave the house to have some coffee? And I'm getting crabbier by the minute because I need my caffeine fix? Not drinking coffee doesn't work -- last time I tried that I ended up in an all-night diner, stumbling through the door, wailing, "18 mugs of coffee! Cream AND sugar! NOW, it's an emergency!"
Bradley answers:
Don't you keep a jar of instant in your emergency kit? I do.
Bob adds, somewhat non-sequitorally:
One time I wanted to say "howdy" to the new neighbor across the street, 'cause you know I'm a naturally friendly person. I went over and started talking, and said "Hey, guy, you got any brew?" He thought I meant beer. He said, "It's pretty early, isn't it? But okay." I was too embarassed to admit that I meant coffee, so we had beer. Maybe that's what you should do in your situation. Drink.
Punjabi offers:
It has been said that whenever any gratification becomes so powerful that it has you in control, instead of you controlling your use of it, that is an addiction. Addictions can be pleasant, but they are opposite of freedom.
I try to talk to people, but they ignore me. I try to be nice, really I do, but it seems that after a few minutes of talking to someone, they always have somewhere else to go. I don't understand, really I don't. Why should people want to ignore someone else who just wants to talk or perhaps make a friend? Not all the people of the world are like this, are they? How are most people regarding conversation? Is it the society that we live in today that forces people to be so withdrawn that they don't want to talk to anyone else? I know that people used to talk. Of course, because people have had children and the human race is still running, and I'm sorry but I just can't believe that people could be so inconsiderate that they wouldn't talk to each other and they could still have a husband or a wife, what's more children! So really what I think is that everyone is just rude nowadays, keeping to themselves like they are so much better than anyone else. Well, they aren't, I can tell you that! I just want to know where people with a little common courtesy would go nowadays for some companionship. I don't mean like in a bad way, just someone to talk to and perhaps be able to carry on a SIMPLE conversation about any little thing. It's not like I don't brush my teeth or take a shower. I am a sensitive caring individual and I have needs, too. I mean they aren't much but they're mine and I really don't appreciate that so many others are just not very accepting of whatever I have to say. I mean, my opinion is as important as anyone else's, isn't it? I don't pretend to be the smartest person in the world, but I do think about things and I just want to talk about it every once in a while. So, really, what's wrong with people nowadays? Are they just more rude than they used to be or is it that people are just more withdrawn?
Stone Head answers:
Are you done? I wonder if you ever give people a chance to say anything.
Bob answers:
Gosh, Carmenita, I have the same problem! Heavens to Betsy, I've got a million fascinating stories of things that have really happened to me, like the time I locked my keys in my trunk at the office and I had to walk four miles to go home and get the spare. Funny stuff like that, but people just don't seem to be interested. I'd love to tell you all my stories Carmenita. Like, ask me about the time I was watching Wheel of Fortune and the TV went on the fritz.
Punjabi offers:
I have travelled to many parts of the world, and I can tell you, my friend, that the degree of openness in people varies markedly from region to region. For example, in Los Angeles, it is considered a social disgrace to ask a stranger on the street for directions. In certain rural areas, you cannot pass a stranger on the sidewalk without getting forced into a conversation about the weather. So my friend, I suggest you hurriedly move to a location that favors the degree of social interchange you desire.
You're right, Punjabi. People can get physically dependent on caffeine, and find that they need it, not just want it, and they need it just to feel normal, just to keep from feeling irritable and poorly focused and depressed. I for one see no problem with that, and rock happily through my day on a good 400 mg of caffeine taken in various pleasurable forms such as tea, sodas, coffee, variations on the espresso theme, and chocolate. I tried the instant coffee dry by the spoonful thing in college, but I found it a bit extreme. Chocolate covered espresso beans are tastier. I would also like to point out to Sage, Bradley, and anyone else who simply must have it now that each tidy little conveniently-stored and easy-to-swallow Excedrin tablet contains 65mg of caffeine. Four of those and you're not only rockin', you're feelin' no pain. You're most welcome.
Punjabi answers:
I believe a good many people would agree with you, my friend.
Kelsey adds:
Coffee! Coffee! Coffee!