Punchy AdviceArchives

May 30, 1995

rhubarb asks Bob:
What would happen to the world economy if cows took over?
Bob Bob answers:
Having once been the mayor of Olga, I think I can safely speak for myself when I say that America was founded upon diversity, and yet what makes this country great is its people. Now some people might say that cows are people, and that point of view is hard to argue with. But we have to consider the plight of the farmer. How would you feel if you were a farmer and you were milking the President of the United States? But the main reason I stepped down from politics is because I don't know anything about it.

Alan asks Bradley:
If you became a computer, can a computer become who you were beforehand?
Bradley Bradley answers:
Don't be silly! If I became a computer, who else would the computer be?

Hurt & ANGRY housewife asks Drizzle:
My best friend of 14 years & I - we haven't spoken for 3 weeks. First, she refused to let me return her call (I was busy at the time). Later she started interrogating me about where I was a particular Sunday, CLAIMING she called & left 7 or 8 messages on my machine that day (In reality-& in the back of her mind, she MUST know she didn't) because I had recieved NOT ONE phone call that day from no one. She's been like that forever, but I always let it go- this time, she wouldn't STOP. I told her I thought I would know if I had that many messages on my machine, I'd know it. But she snapped at me "Oh, nevermind, it dosen't matter anyway." Then she HUNG UP ON ME! I'm very hurt & angry, and I miss her friendship; but a tiny part of me feels a lot more calm. This just wasn't right. Thanks Drizzle! Hope you can help...P.S. she lives right across the street from me.
Drizzle Drizzle answers:
I'm sorry you've lost a friend. But it sounds like she doesn't want to be friends anymore. Hold a lot of love for her in your heart, and let her go.
Kelsey Kelsey adds:
This kind of thing has happened to me, too, and I just don't understand it. Someone you love just goes crazy. Suddenly their perception of everything is the opposite of yours, and you haven't got a clue what happened! It's like, did they switch reels in the projection booth? How did we get here?

I would sick the loony bin boys on her.

"Dr. X" asks Ooni:
What is the REAL function of daylight savings time?
Ooni Ooni answers:
Beats me. Some silly human idea.
Kauli Kauli adds:
It has to do with clocks, which is a really silly human idea.

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