Punchy AdviceArchives

May 31, 1995

"Desperate" asks Kelsey:
Why am I so shy?
Kelsey Kelsey answers:
There was a time when I was painfully shy. In high school, all the other girls were cheerleaders with blonde hair, and I was a bookish beanpole with straight black hair. Somewhere along the line I realized they were all complete dufusses, and I had nothing to be shy about. So basically, being shy is just this ego trip where you think you're special and no one will understand you. So get off your trip, you're not so special! Stop feeling so dang sorry for yourself, you pathetic wimp, and stand up for yourself!

Scott asks Punjabi:
How would you suggest I go about making 1 million dollars next year? I'm an American white male with triplet 2 year old girls, so I don't have the kind of distinguishing characteristics you've been able to take advantage of.
Punjabi Punjabi answers:
If you moved to India, you would have distinguishing characteristics. You could teach people how to cook frozen dinners.

"BILBO" asks Bob:
How do I study for a really hard test I have Saturday?
Bob Bob answers:
You know how when you're really scared, like riding a roller coaster or meeting your district supervisor, you remember all the details? Well, see, what I do is I wait till the last minute before I start to study. Then I'm so scared I remember everything. Unless I panic and study the wrong subject.

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