Punchy AdviceArchives

June 21, 1995

"Darlene" asks Ruth:
My long-time sweetie went out to play poker without me, and it really ticked me off. He gave me flowers to make me feel better, with a note that said "I could do no less if I tried." What does that mean??
Ruth Ruth answers:
It means he's no William Shakespeare. Put the note in the trash and the flowers in a nice vase.
Bradley Bradley adds:
I think he means he's sorry, and the flowers are the least he can do to make it up to you. I think it's sweet that you like going out and playing poker with him! If I were him, I sure would appreciate that. (It must be nice to have a girlfriend you can actually see.)

"Tin Man" asks Ruth:
How does one kill a 900-pound grizzly Bear ?
Ruth Ruth answers:
Oh my. I really don't know.

Dear readers, let this be a lesson to you. In case of an emergency, use your last precious moments to dial 911. Don't send e-mail.

"Jean" asks Ruth:
I've finally met a decent guy after two years of searching. My bad relationships from the past have made me insecure. I'm afraid that my insecurities are going to drive my new boyfriend away. What should I do?
Ruth Ruth answers:
Put your insecurities in the back seat and they won't drive your boyfriend away. They might drive you crazy but they won't be able to steer you wrong.
Kelsey Kelsey adds:
There is a one-word answer to your problem: Honesty. Be up-front with him about your insecurities. If he has any compassion, he'll understand what you've been through and why you might be afraid it would happen again. Explain that you don't want to direct your fears towards him. He won't understand that unless you tell him, but if you do tell him, your honesty will open up a place for him to get closer to you.

This Honesty thing, I keep forgetting about it myself, and then suddenly I'm reminded what a powerful thing it is! We all crave it from other people, and yet we're so often afraid to give it, because we're worried it make us look like a weird person, or a mean person. We want to look all nice and perfect and wart-free.

And if you're in the business world like me, Honesty is a foreign concept. I'm not talking about dis-honesty, but about less-than--honesty. Business in the 90's is all about image, the powerful corporate front. When was the last time you read an honest business letter?

It may go against your training, but give Honesty a shot.

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