Punchy AdviceArchives

June 25, 1995

"Marvin Tweedle" asks (no expert specified):
I seem to be a flop with women. When I finally get enough courage to talk to them, I have nothing to say. My problem is low self-esteem when it comes to women, but what can I do about it?
Bob Bob answers:
I'll cover this one, gang. Marv, I used to have this problem myself. But then I took up magic tricks. Now, if I meet a really beautiful woman and I want to talk to her, I just hold out my deck and say "Pick a card!" Nine times out of ten -- I swear this is true -- she'll pick a card! After I guess her card, she's really impressed of course. (It's really a trick, you see. I'll tell you about that later if you like.) But then she'll look at me with this expectant look on her face, and -- get this, Marv -- now she doesn't know what to say! The old shoe is really on the other foot now, boy.

My problem is I haven't figured out what to do next.

Kelsey Kelsey rolls her eyes and says:
Oh brother! For a start, guys, it would help if you'd stop thinking about women as some sort of exotic challenge, like conquering Mount Everest.

Your problem is not self-esteem. The problem is you're too self-obsessed. All you can think of is how you feel: "I'm a flop with women, I never have anything to say." Just get off it and get real. Find things you share in common with people you meet, instead of looking for differences.

Martha asks Kelsey:
My boyfriend is an overall good guy, except for one thing. When I get upset, and I tell him why, he just sits there and doesn't say anything. He never says that he is sorry, or shares how he feels. The next day, however, I can tell that he is sorry by the way he acts. And he changes his behavior and doesn't do the same thing again. It is frustrating not being able to talk things out and find out how he feels, though. What should I do?
Kelsey Kelsey answers:
I know just what you mean! A lot of guys just cannot speak the language of emotions. It makes you want to get a giant blackboard and draw a big happy face on it, and say real slow: "Hap-py!" Then draw a sad face, and say "Sad!" Until they start to get the idea.

But he sounds like a neat guy who wants to make things work. I had a lover like that. I thought at first he didn't have any emotions, but I finally realized that when we fought he was tortured! He just couldn't show it. I don't really understand it, but I think that guys like that just need to know its okay to feel their feelings, and for that they need a lot of support and love. And that's hard on you when you're already upset, but that's the only thing I have to say.

I wish Bradley were here. We could ask him.

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