Punchy AdviceArchives

July 3, 1995

Bradley returned from Calgary last night, tired but content.

Green W. Envy asks Alphonzo:
I am insanely jealous of my best friend. She gets all the attention and I get none. I don't want to pull stunts to make people pay attention to me, but I might have to soon....HELP!
Alphonzo Alphonzo answers:
What's wrong with stunts? I had the same problem with my friend Tony when I was your age. Tony had big muscles and a lot of hair, and when he told a stupid joke everybody laughed, even if I told the same joke yesterday and nobody laughed. He was getting all the dates. Then when my friend Marge started going out with Tony, I left a suicide note. I parked my car near the bridge over the river and hung my hat on the railing, and caught a cab to the train station and left town.

Well, the next day I realized I still needed my car, and all my clean pants were in my apartment, and it was only three days to my next paycheck. So I went to the police department and told them I was still alive. They said, "So what?" Turns out my car was still on the bridge. For cryin' out loud, nobody noticed I was dead!

Well, maybe stunts aren't the greatest. Rumors are good. Spread malicious rumors about your friend.

Kelsey Kelsey counters:
Don't worry too much that people don't notice you. Sometimes it takes people a long time to notice someone special in their own back yard.

"Huh? But Happy!" writes Ruth and Kelsey:
I wrote before (June 18, 1995) about how I hated my school and wanted to quit. I want everyone to know that I did stand up to my parents and I am changing schools. Thank you, Ruth and Kelsey!
Kelsey Kelsey answers:
There you go! Congratulations.

Juliette asks Kelsey:
What should I do about my emotionally devastated ex-boyfriend? I just broke up with him four days ago. Now he has started his major depression mode and is crying all the time. How do I know this? Well, I still call him every once in a while. Is that okay? Or should I just give him some time to recooperate? Your advice is well respected. Sincerely, Juliette
Kelsey Kelsey answers:
There's really nothing you can do, Juliette. He'll get over it on his own, when he feels like it. In the meantime, you might be confusing him by calling him up. If you're breaking up, you need to say goodbye.
Bradley Bradley offers:
Suggest that he take a little vacation and bring a frisbee. If he doesn't have a dog, borrow one. It works wonders, believe me. And by the way, the word is "recuperate."
Kelsey Kelsey adds:
It's good to have you back, Bradley.

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