Punchy AdviceArchives

July 7, 1995

Allen, who wrote on July 5, 1995, responds to Kelsey's advice:
I admit to "fear." Who can blame me? I've been rejected before and I don't know if I'm ready to take a risk again.

You were also right about my feelings for her. I realize now that I was attempting to take that "risk" in the least vulnerable way. I played it safe and somehow I've been fooling myself.

Right now both of us are busy in our studies so I'm taking it slowly for now. Is that OK?

Kelsey Kelsey answers:
Anything you do is "okay," but it might not get you what you really want. Let's get one thing straight: just because someone is afraid to do something has nothing to do with whether or not they can do it.

Maybe she's afraid to talk to you, too. So where does that get you? Even if you're both busy, you have time to communicate about what's going on between you. By letting it slide, you're telling her that she's not important enough for you to deal with.

When I go to a restaurant, I don't mind if the waitress is so busy she can't take my order for ten minutes, as long as she greets me and says, "Sorry I'm busy, but I'll take your order as soon as I can." Then I know I'm not being ignored.

So take ten minutes and tell her you enjoyed the friendship that was starting between you, and that you think she's wonderful, and that you want to know if you did something that put her off. Just find out what she's feeling, instead of assuming. No matter what else happens, she will appreciate that you cared enough to ask. Trust me!

"Missy" asks Stone Head:
I might be promoted at work. Several others are also being considered. What can I do to make myself stand out from the crowd?
Stone Head Stone Head answers:
Missy, in my day, this situation would call for a challenge to combat in the arena. A mace or battle ax was the preferred weapon, and whoever was left with their head attached got to move up in rank. I don't know how you wimpering corporate prissies do things nowadays.
Alphonzo Alphonzo offers:
Well, you could forge a memo in your rival's name, and say your boss has his head up his butt. But strictly speaking, that's not ethical. But it worked for me.
Kelsey Kelsey differs:
Go straight to the person making the decision and say, "Look, all these people are qualified for this position, but let me tell you why I'm the best choice." Then give three good reasons.
Ooni Ooni rejoins:
Wear a giant hat with lots of bananas on it. You'll stand out for sure!

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