Punchy AdviceArchives

July 9, 1995

"Picky" asks Kelsey:
Kelsey, I am a thirty year old woman who has a security blanket. Some people smoke, others drink. I have a blanket to comfort me. I even named it. I think that I am pretty normal otherwise. Do you think this is weird?
Kelsey Kelsey answers:
Depends. Do you bring it to work?
Marty Marty adds:
What did you name it?

"Dreamer" asks Bradley.
I'm glad that you feel more confident because of your experience with Sarah. I once fell in love with my perception of someone, and realized that those things were really a part of me. But is there a danger here? We often put a "mask" on other people, trying to view them not as they are, but as we prefer them to be. This can set up a problem, especially in a committed, long-term relationship. I hope my partner loves me, not the mask! This ties into my question. I loved someone once, and I still think about that person occasionally, even though I'm happily married now. I realize that I loved their "mask," but sometimes I still sigh and wonder. I'll throw this question open to anyone. Do you think my over-romanticizing the past could hurt my current relationship?
Bradley Bradley answers:
Yes. I have this theory about fantasizing, but it's complicated and it will take a while to explain it.
Ooni Ooni interrupts:
Then don't!
Kauli Kauli adds:
Yeah, what's with all this boring psycho-romantic babble stuff lately? Hey Ooni, my friends are getting married. What's the best way to spoil their wedding?
Ooni Ooni responds:
Oh that's good! Um... throw cooked macaroni?
Kelsey Kelsey jumps in:
Cool it, you guys, or I'll drop-kick you. Let Bradley finish.
Bradley Bradley concludes:
My theory is -- if you create strong images in your mind, then your emotions and everything else south of your brain do not know the difference between someone who's there and someone who isn't. So you can really mix yourself up by fantasizing. And the woman with the blanket is an example: she's let the blanket give her comfort so now it really does, on an emotional and biological level. That's my theory.
Ooni Ooni adds:
Toss a dead fish on the bride's train as she walks up the aisle... No! No! Wheel in a casket and insist that you have a funeral booked for this timeslot!

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