Punchy AdviceArchives

July 22, 1995

"Thoroughly Confused" asks Kelsey:
Kelsey, you seem to field all the romance woes, so here's my tale: I have been dating this wonderful guy for about three years, since we were both 16. We have a great relationship. However, this past year we went to different colleges: I'm in the Midwest and he's on the east coast. I felt really alone and empty, like my purpose in life had disappeared. I was in a whole new environment, and I didn't feel like I had anyone who needed me anymore. I really need to feel needed by other people in order to be happy with myself.

This past year I've become really good friends with this guy. Lately I've noticed that our platonic relationship is beginning to cross that line into "something more." This was not intentional! I don't want to lose the wonderful guy I'm dating. The idea of being without him is really scary. I know that my being so indecisive is hurting everyone more than if I just took action. Do I yield to temptation? Do I transfer to a college near my boyfriend? How do I know what's best for me?

Kelsey Kelsey answers:
Girl, how many middle-aged adults do you know that are still with their high school sweetheart? Not many. You're only 19. It's ridiculous to think that you should be stuck with the first guy you went steady with for the rest of your life. You're not married to him, and you don't owe him eternal allegiance.

But you've got a real problem if you think that your purpose in life is to be needed by someone else. Therapists have a word for that. I don't remember what it is, but it's not a good thing.

Punjabi Punjabi adds:
You ask: "How do I know what's best for me?" I ask you: "Who besides you is going to know?"

Whatever your path in life, the big job is to find out what it is you want.

Ruth Ruth says:
If you think living without your boyfriend is scary, you should try living with Marty. You should forget about men until you get over being scared to live without them.

"Bugbit" asks Bob:
Bob, what is the difference when my weatherman says "partly cloudy" as opposed to "partly sunny?" Should I plan half a picnic? And if you can come, what would you like to see on the menu?
Bob Bob answers:
Burgers and cole slaw would be GREAT!
Ooni Ooni mutters:
Bob would be the perfect guest. Partly obtuse.

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