Punchy AdviceArchives

March 26, 1996

Hopeless asks Kauli:
There's this girl. I can't keep my mind off her. The first thing I think of when I wake up is her, and I fall asleep with the same thoughts every night. This isn't just some sexual infatuation, I really don't even think about that. I think she knows it. We have known each other our entire lives and are decent friends. I have been carrying this torch for five years and it has become very cumbersome. Here is my problem: I want her, but I don't think I can have her. I don't need to hear the old lines about taking a chance and expressing my real feelings. If I was to do that and get rejected I couldn't handle it. It goes beyond pride or fear of rejection. I have put aside many fantastic women in the hopes that somehow I could have this girl. I can't have her and I know it, but I won't take anybody else because one day I might have a chance with her. I guess I'm caught in a catch-22. To be more blunt, it looks like I'm screwed. Any advice?
Kauli Kauli snores.
Bradley Bradley calls:
Kauli Kauli responds:
Hmm? Is he finished? Hey Hopeless, you need to spend a few weeks in the trees! Cool, sea breezes, the scent of coconut. You'll forget all about what's-her-face. Besides, you can look down and see all kinds of lovely ladies!
Ruth Ruth adds:
Dear You-Call-Yourself-Hopeless?: So. You're afraid if you take a chance and tell her, she'll reject you? And you couldn't handle that! What a pickle! Marty and I went to Atlantic City last weekend, and you know what? They have these one dollar slot machines. I put my dollar in and I was afraid to pull the handle. But Marty said, "C'mon, Ruth. It already has your dollar." So I pulled the handle and it came up two apple pies and an ice cream cone. I could have been sitting there all day! Marty was in a hurry to see the Follies.
Kelsey Kelsey offers:
Hopeless, do you have any idea what a terrible partner you'd make with an attitude like yours? If you can't handle rejection, you can't handle love.

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